Quirst ... Quirst? ... That's not real

You have to give the soda scientists of the 1970s a lot of credit. They were taking all but one calorie out of cola drinks, thinking hard about how to give us two full liters (liters??? is that like a quart?) of coke in one bottle, which at first required some weird black outer layer of plastic to contain. And they were coming up with new stuff!

The industry was shaken to its core by the introduction of Rondo - undisputedly the best soft drink ever created. 7UP had become a thing, Mountain Dew was a craze. And so, apparently the fine folks at 7UP decided to up the ante and dominate the market with ... Quirst. Quirst! Rhymes with thirst, and apparently it's meant to handle thirst better than 7UPs own 7UP product. Could it crush thirst like Rondo? Highly doubtful.

But let's just pause for a moment and say "Quirst" like five times to ourselves. Quite ridiculous. And adding injury to insult, apparently the makers of Squirt (the amazingly named Squirtco according to the Internet) felt Quirst bring an anagram of Squirt was grounds for a lawsuit. And after just two years on the market, 7UP quietly just stopped with the Quirst. I don't think we're worse off for that.

Credit: Nostalgic X'er
Original Video: 1970s commercials volume 9